Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
