at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
