yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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