I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
