according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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