He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
