I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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