that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
