He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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