I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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