I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
