If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
