Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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