He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
