so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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