he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize