my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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