What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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