If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
