nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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