Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
