Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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