its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
