This is not my ceiling
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
