Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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