she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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