Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
