Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
a search helicopter?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
