do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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