U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
