If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
