my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize