I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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