dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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