by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
