Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
