the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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