the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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