How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
