you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
