I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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