I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize