jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your penis caused this!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
