The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
time to smoke my breakfast
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
