My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
