sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
