The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i love accidental penises.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
