he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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