"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
