these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize