You made me cry and you don't even care
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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