So drunk its hurt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So much Jack, so little girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
