i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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