You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
