I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love having hate sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
