She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize