i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
