she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
