Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize