The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
