I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
