I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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