She's JV to your varsity
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
