so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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