I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
