they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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