There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
People in love make me want to vomit
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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