yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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