party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
