how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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