And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
