Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your cock deserves a montage
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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